can u draw out a beautiful rainbow?

Hey.... theres many things happend i this couple of week... dont u realize that i getting slim n un happy? Happy smiling faces r getting away from me... i can't even smile happily like old times having fun with some of my best friend.
I even getting far n far with them n getting less n less chating topic with them. i realize sometimes i come out yam cha with them i also get less to talk. Just starring at my drink n suck the straw onli. If no or suck ciggy every 3 mins or 5 mins whn getting silence... No is not im getting silence in any purpose... is im really cant to get to know what they talking about... after not really get involve in thier acivities.. yah for true. im getting away from my buddies... i also dunno why, tell u wat... i feel like im getting to change to other person n having diffrent characteristic... WAT THE FUK!!! im getting silence n scare to give opinion whn dicussing on a topic that use to be fun in amoung of us... I hate myself for now, i lose many things... many many things...
Somelike something is controling my life... just like an adult taking away lollipops from a kid... Im upset n letting many ppl upset on me.. i have make my exboss dissapoint on my childish mind n letting many collegue n friend dissapoint on me... n i also let myself leaving black named in lots of ppl... i damn damn hate myself ... i wish the time could back to where i find true happiness n wat we call friendship ard...
After 2 years in a company that u work very hard n having great times on, n then they all turn back on u... n then u walk on a wrong way that cant turn ard n go back n tell them how u feel sorry to them n ask for help... u cant!!! u cant.. i telling myself i cant ... theres no turning back di... i already walk on dead end of myself... friends n colluge that used to work realy hard together.. the partner that we rush trought many endless jobs...
2 years... from a foolish young buddy to fly high n then drop to an end now... many i get experience from them n then also lost many to them also... the day we drunk.. the day we laugh the day we overnite together n then the day we argue with some little problem for letting the job goin prefectly... the we smoke together also the day we cry for some stupid reason... n we get lost n heading on diffrent way... i tot collegue can be friends someore is closest caz we fight together n feel the victory together.. but till the end i walk on myself then i realize im wrong... theres nothing is forever in ur life except ur dear family...
I been given up before from them, getting uncontrolable infront of bosses, getting crazy n getting my head of... i miss the day we get to know each other whn the really fresh flystudio begin... now the memory showing in my mind i dunno wat to do already... Now i getting ready to new company n then theres no other chances we can get be together di... someore i dunno say... i lost di...
So long guys... my best flystudio soilders, tell u guys wat... accuatlly.. i didnt get prepared to leave u guys in then sense of working.. is just i done alot of stupidness n get myself shame infront of u guys... till i cant be there with u all working. U all r a team... remember that, someone will be messing u guys ard buthen u all have to get together n find out who r doing bastard things ard...
To my boss.... u r a lovely boss n a good till best boss.... i belive that no one outside will get better then u... is i owe u too much n then i can get n e better from u n i feel like i cant contribute more better for u n the company di... now i have to say sorry of all i done that make u feel dissapointed n things getting too sudden...
Kim, the onli person that i mention name in here from flystudio, i owe u alot... i know u alwaz know wat the hell im up to... i know u try to figure out wat im upset on sometimes... u r a best man from all the ppl i know. The producer that we work on happily, hope u will get happy everyday like i alwaz see u laugh n smile in the studio... u r the person in flystudio i get to know.. u try very hard to work with us... alwaz letting us to work in the bst condition.. im really owe u alot... thank u alot...
Im often telling u guys wat happen on me... accuatlly... im an emotioned person.. letting emotion showing the way of the day is terrible.. like me.. if facing something i dont like... i will straightly put it up on my face... it is bad.. i know... it will cause other ppl unhappy... like at last im causing myself getting away from u guys.. sometimes i treat u guys nice is not i wanan something from u all, is i wanna to see u guys getting happy n less worries.. buthen it cause me get angry that someone planning something that didnt ask me along or join too... thats im upset on...
Thats too many things happend between us.. happy sad anger... just wish u guys getting happier n stronger, i will be better n better n will get the memory that having u guys in my little mind... theres a space in my mind that have Meng, Kim, Eve, CK, Pang, Weiliat, Xiang, Kenny, Jin Wei, Yong Xiong, Liaw... we use to be a team... n alwaz will..
God bless u guys, bye