i started to like someone i used to be HATE in few years ago.... Started to browse thru his folio, and started to realize his good n awesome artwork... Few years ago, caz of some missunderstand and jealous make me hate him deep in my heart. Now i realize im just a little bug compare to a perfect person like him... Good looking, good attidute, bravo skill of drawing and many many thing.. I used to tell other ppl about how hate im to him, but never realize he is god.. in every drawing artist heart.. some copying his style of drawing, some appreciate his art work...
Damn i have lose to someone perfect... but start to like him... damn it... i start to collect his stuff his artwork even browse into his website and then read his blog... fuker i hate him as knowing him so late... he is the man.. a true man.. U are right, im wrong.. he is a perfect person for u all..
Im just jealous on him by being a better person than me for u ... god bless to the person im mention and i used to be hate!!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!
| I found a job di eventually... but i dont really like it... its a game company, everytime i wake up i feel like wanan running away from there. It is at KL sentral, 1 of the biggest game company, im very pround of i was shortlisted. Whn the day i start work. Damn it using another software is not a good idea for me. I cant make friends inside, my working on game r slow n someore i dont even think that i wil stay there for more then 8 hours... all i wan is just goin back n CRY.. i started feel like to cry!!!! The first time i work till wanna cry is so unbelievable. So i decide to go back my old company, buthen with the market r damn fuking low now, they dont have that budget to offer me back. I been heard alots of " we are not hiring 3D animator by now " this kindda JOKES.... I hate everythings now, i dont even go for lunch caz i wanan to finish stuff fast then i can go back home, i dont really think to stay there.... Can i go back now?? I hate my life for now...!!!!! for now!!!!! NOW!!!! FOR HOPELESS N JOBLESS!!!!!!!!! |
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
23years human life time...
| 一路走过安分的23岁。 一直行走在已经为我建好的铁路。 我就好像火车般，从来都没越轨。 在安稳的轨道上； 我遇见好多好多各型种类的怪兽。 原来，我和怪兽那么的有冤； 常咬着我不放。 那。。。 总是微笑的石头怪； 邪邪的黑面瘦猴； 白里透红，自大的花仙； 暴力血腥的猩猩； 情绪常不稳定的长竹仙； 圆圆，牙里闪闪亮亮的熊猫； 怎样都吃不肥的怪物； 好多好多。。。。 一直想要疯狂的行驶自己的脑袋； 可惜永远都被现势克制着。 自以为的巨人，常常出现在我烦恼的时候； 把我压的透不过气来。 为什么，通常在面临崩溃的悬崖； 总会出现不想看见的脸。 不想被误会的我； 常常就会被抹黑。 23的回忆，会永远的烙在脑海中吗？ 会渐渐消失？还是会有另外的续集？ 我会打赢并消失掉那群怪兽吗？ 24的我，越了轨，离开了那些怪兽。 越轨的两个月，静静的感受我拚了两年命所剩下的气息。 微弱，我所感受到的； 我想，恢复元气；毁掉怨气，真的需要一段时间和空间。 慢慢的，我相信，忘记一切； 是迎接新的季节的开始。 |
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Mc day
Now is 3 in the morning, i still havent sleep yet. I wake up at ard 11 something nite, n then have my so called dinner ard 2 something by order Mc delivery. My god i been eating Mc from 2 days di... Today really.. i spend almost time on bed sleeping... wat makes me feel tired?? dont really know..?? maybe my sleeping time is turned ard di qua... damn it i sleep too much di lah.. cannot lah.. have to find soemthing to do di... Sunday... man.. i dont have plan.. think will staying at home watch movie qua... having an interview next monday... wish me luck... Plus bday is coming on 8 days time.. dont worry i will keep on remind u... hahaha   Supper + dinner = MC!!!! |
ms |
Friday, September 19, 2008
coming near
| my bday is ard di.... 10 days counting... dunno wil be a happy 1 or still da normal day? feel moody today.. how can u feel happy whn things not goin well each days? think alot, worries that continue coming... too many uncomfirm.. never been happy then ever like last time di... everything change... i have to understand it.. i have to make myself clear with wat i have now.. i have to do many things that forget bout the mistake i have made... nothing is making me cool.. nothing making me happy... nothing making me smile.. nothing making me pround n nothing making me dare to do... I dont wanan to be unhappy anymore.. i dont wanan to make any decisions anymore... i dont wanan to make ppl worry bout me anymore.. i wanan to be tough i wanan to be strong n i wanna to be pround of myself start from now... but can i?? So... smile at me n say everything will be alrite.. nothing will bring u down.. n nothing will bring u away... give me a hand n let me hold it while im sad n down... be the angel that will kick my ass n ask me to work harder... hahaha for life.. cheers everyone that care bout me... i owe u.. |
Monday, September 8, 2008
Ready, Get set.... RUN!!!!!
| As usuall.. im gonna post something not really positive here again.... every of my post i realize that nothing r sharing happy to others... Man.. today i feel weird... being jobless for 2 month di... nothing really can cheer me up. In this 2 month time, i go shopping lah, go watch movie lah, go clubbing lah do watever things that i cant do during working time... Im really lost many happy time while working, staying in office whole week without goin back home. Why? why would i dare to lose so much last time??? Is it worth it? I dunno, outsiders call our company as hardcore hell.. doing without caring bout time.. So, im 1 of the hardcore inside. Aiyah... dont talk work di lah.. im really workholic man.. other then work really dunno wat else can do di... Oh yah, recently i went to gym, thinking to build up muscle n cut off my lemak. Im not really fat lah... but the body shape looks dont nice loh... so have to work on it hard, then see my result in short time.. I havent really plan for my future, im already 24 now, really dunno wat to do in future. I cant sta in 3D industry in rest of my life, caz it cant earn more. The highest pay onli go to 10k onli... just for very very very outstanding ppl... for normal it onli goin to be 7k plus onli lah... Wat do i really wanan to do in future?? maybe some busniess or erm.... dunno... 3D industry really diffrent then others, it cant really earn money... is the 1st point, n then it not really a busniess... its a service. Ppl pay thn get our service then walk of happily... buthen we do untill die they also dunno, just make black faces n ask us to change this n add more on that... So, thats y i call it not a busniess. Maybe will do some T-shirt design n sell it off qua, buthen have to plann. Its not a 1 person work, it have to involve many ppl, such as designer lah, marketing lah n marketing consultant as well.... I plan be4 long time ago, to create a logo or character for my T-shirt... buthen cant really figure out wat i really wann for design... i keep on research reserch n research, really got nothing to myself. I have a really simple marketing planning on T-shirt selling, buthen dunno its really work anot.... Somore i dont really dare to start all it now... caz the most important thing 'money' not enough. Cant think where to sell n how to get link or connection to other store... have to replan seriously.... Dont wanna to get back old working life di, very scare of it. So start a small busniess will be ok i think buthen have to wait after a year 1st.... not so soon. Ok well... it been a wonderful time with u guys here, i will appreciate it all.. thanks for ur kindness been sitting here watching me bullshiting... Thnks .. haha |
Sunday, August 17, 2008
can u draw out a beautiful rainbow?
Hey.... theres many things happend i this couple of week... dont u realize that i getting slim n un happy? Happy smiling faces r getting away from me... i can't even smile happily like old times having fun with some of my best friend.
I even getting far n far with them n getting less n less chating topic with them. i realize sometimes i come out yam cha with them i also get less to talk. Just starring at my drink n suck the straw onli. If no or suck ciggy every 3 mins or 5 mins whn getting silence... No is not im getting silence in any purpose... is im really cant to get to know what they talking about... after not really get involve in thier acivities.. yah for true. im getting away from my buddies... i also dunno why, tell u wat... i feel like im getting to change to other person n having diffrent characteristic... WAT THE FUK!!! im getting silence n scare to give opinion whn dicussing on a topic that use to be fun in amoung of us... I hate myself for now, i lose many things... many many things...
Somelike something is controling my life... just like an adult taking away lollipops from a kid... Im upset n letting many ppl upset on me.. i have make my exboss dissapoint on my childish mind n letting many collegue n friend dissapoint on me... n i also let myself leaving black named in lots of ppl... i damn damn hate myself ... i wish the time could back to where i find true happiness n wat we call friendship ard...
After 2 years in a company that u work very hard n having great times on, n then they all turn back on u... n then u walk on a wrong way that cant turn ard n go back n tell them how u feel sorry to them n ask for help... u cant!!! u cant.. i telling myself i cant ... theres no turning back di... i already walk on dead end of myself... friends n colluge that used to work realy hard together.. the partner that we rush trought many endless jobs...
2 years... from a foolish young buddy to fly high n then drop to an end now... many i get experience from them n then also lost many to them also... the day we drunk.. the day we laugh the day we overnite together n then the day we argue with some little problem for letting the job goin prefectly... the we smoke together also the day we cry for some stupid reason... n we get lost n heading on diffrent way... i tot collegue can be friends someore is closest caz we fight together n feel the victory together.. but till the end i walk on myself then i realize im wrong... theres nothing is forever in ur life except ur dear family...
I been given up before from them, getting uncontrolable infront of bosses, getting crazy n getting my head of... i miss the day we get to know each other whn the really fresh flystudio begin... now the memory showing in my mind i dunno wat to do already... Now i getting ready to new company n then theres no other chances we can get be together di... someore i dunno say... i lost di...
So long guys... my best flystudio soilders, tell u guys wat... accuatlly.. i didnt get prepared to leave u guys in then sense of working.. is just i done alot of stupidness n get myself shame infront of u guys... till i cant be there with u all working. U all r a team... remember that, someone will be messing u guys ard buthen u all have to get together n find out who r doing bastard things ard...
To my boss.... u r a lovely boss n a good till best boss.... i belive that no one outside will get better then u... is i owe u too much n then i can get n e better from u n i feel like i cant contribute more better for u n the company di... now i have to say sorry of all i done that make u feel dissapointed n things getting too sudden...
Kim, the onli person that i mention name in here from flystudio, i owe u alot... i know u alwaz know wat the hell im up to... i know u try to figure out wat im upset on sometimes... u r a best man from all the ppl i know. The producer that we work on happily, hope u will get happy everyday like i alwaz see u laugh n smile in the studio... u r the person in flystudio i get to know.. u try very hard to work with us... alwaz letting us to work in the bst condition.. im really owe u alot... thank u alot...
Im often telling u guys wat happen on me... accuatlly... im an emotioned person.. letting emotion showing the way of the day is terrible.. like me.. if facing something i dont like... i will straightly put it up on my face... it is bad.. i know... it will cause other ppl unhappy... like at last im causing myself getting away from u guys.. sometimes i treat u guys nice is not i wanan something from u all, is i wanna to see u guys getting happy n less worries.. buthen it cause me get angry that someone planning something that didnt ask me along or join too... thats im upset on...
Thats too many things happend between us.. happy sad anger... just wish u guys getting happier n stronger, i will be better n better n will get the memory that having u guys in my little mind... theres a space in my mind that have Meng, Kim, Eve, CK, Pang, Weiliat, Xiang, Kenny, Jin Wei, Yong Xiong, Liaw... we use to be a team... n alwaz will..
God bless u guys, bye
I even getting far n far with them n getting less n less chating topic with them. i realize sometimes i come out yam cha with them i also get less to talk. Just starring at my drink n suck the straw onli. If no or suck ciggy every 3 mins or 5 mins whn getting silence... No is not im getting silence in any purpose... is im really cant to get to know what they talking about... after not really get involve in thier acivities.. yah for true. im getting away from my buddies... i also dunno why, tell u wat... i feel like im getting to change to other person n having diffrent characteristic... WAT THE FUK!!! im getting silence n scare to give opinion whn dicussing on a topic that use to be fun in amoung of us... I hate myself for now, i lose many things... many many things...
Somelike something is controling my life... just like an adult taking away lollipops from a kid... Im upset n letting many ppl upset on me.. i have make my exboss dissapoint on my childish mind n letting many collegue n friend dissapoint on me... n i also let myself leaving black named in lots of ppl... i damn damn hate myself ... i wish the time could back to where i find true happiness n wat we call friendship ard...
After 2 years in a company that u work very hard n having great times on, n then they all turn back on u... n then u walk on a wrong way that cant turn ard n go back n tell them how u feel sorry to them n ask for help... u cant!!! u cant.. i telling myself i cant ... theres no turning back di... i already walk on dead end of myself... friends n colluge that used to work realy hard together.. the partner that we rush trought many endless jobs...
2 years... from a foolish young buddy to fly high n then drop to an end now... many i get experience from them n then also lost many to them also... the day we drunk.. the day we laugh the day we overnite together n then the day we argue with some little problem for letting the job goin prefectly... the we smoke together also the day we cry for some stupid reason... n we get lost n heading on diffrent way... i tot collegue can be friends someore is closest caz we fight together n feel the victory together.. but till the end i walk on myself then i realize im wrong... theres nothing is forever in ur life except ur dear family...
I been given up before from them, getting uncontrolable infront of bosses, getting crazy n getting my head of... i miss the day we get to know each other whn the really fresh flystudio begin... now the memory showing in my mind i dunno wat to do already... Now i getting ready to new company n then theres no other chances we can get be together di... someore i dunno say... i lost di...
So long guys... my best flystudio soilders, tell u guys wat... accuatlly.. i didnt get prepared to leave u guys in then sense of working.. is just i done alot of stupidness n get myself shame infront of u guys... till i cant be there with u all working. U all r a team... remember that, someone will be messing u guys ard buthen u all have to get together n find out who r doing bastard things ard...
To my boss.... u r a lovely boss n a good till best boss.... i belive that no one outside will get better then u... is i owe u too much n then i can get n e better from u n i feel like i cant contribute more better for u n the company di... now i have to say sorry of all i done that make u feel dissapointed n things getting too sudden...
Kim, the onli person that i mention name in here from flystudio, i owe u alot... i know u alwaz know wat the hell im up to... i know u try to figure out wat im upset on sometimes... u r a best man from all the ppl i know. The producer that we work on happily, hope u will get happy everyday like i alwaz see u laugh n smile in the studio... u r the person in flystudio i get to know.. u try very hard to work with us... alwaz letting us to work in the bst condition.. im really owe u alot... thank u alot...
Im often telling u guys wat happen on me... accuatlly... im an emotioned person.. letting emotion showing the way of the day is terrible.. like me.. if facing something i dont like... i will straightly put it up on my face... it is bad.. i know... it will cause other ppl unhappy... like at last im causing myself getting away from u guys.. sometimes i treat u guys nice is not i wanan something from u all, is i wanna to see u guys getting happy n less worries.. buthen it cause me get angry that someone planning something that didnt ask me along or join too... thats im upset on...
Thats too many things happend between us.. happy sad anger... just wish u guys getting happier n stronger, i will be better n better n will get the memory that having u guys in my little mind... theres a space in my mind that have Meng, Kim, Eve, CK, Pang, Weiliat, Xiang, Kenny, Jin Wei, Yong Xiong, Liaw... we use to be a team... n alwaz will..
God bless u guys, bye
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Nervous
9.01pm
Still at office... doing final animation. After a few weeks, i will left here, think back the time i used to be here. Laughing, playing, hardworking, sleeping, joking and many more. I told myself before, this is the place i want, this will be my last destination. After all those things happened, everything changed. Ppl argue, leaving, black faces and many more. Im just goin up for a training on modeling and texturing. My Boss tought that im goin up for hiding the stress behind. Honestly, is not like that... i understand that every working place also have stress, im not hiding someone or something, is i wanan to change a better environment and learn something that might be useful for me. Thats wat i think so.
For future, for a better lifestyle, i have to put more afford on wat am i doing now. Just half of year, i will be back soon.. with something new .... GO!!!!!!
Still at office... doing final animation. After a few weeks, i will left here, think back the time i used to be here. Laughing, playing, hardworking, sleeping, joking and many more. I told myself before, this is the place i want, this will be my last destination. After all those things happened, everything changed. Ppl argue, leaving, black faces and many more. Im just goin up for a training on modeling and texturing. My Boss tought that im goin up for hiding the stress behind. Honestly, is not like that... i understand that every working place also have stress, im not hiding someone or something, is i wanan to change a better environment and learn something that might be useful for me. Thats wat i think so.
For future, for a better lifestyle, i have to put more afford on wat am i doing now. Just half of year, i will be back soon.. with something new .... GO!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Am i still belong here??
5.20pm
my mind is blank... damn blank.. looking ppl walking n talking ard me, they r not walking towards me n not talking with me. Im stay alone quietly with no one... Am i still belong here? Looks like im invisible like that.. Eventhough ppl who know about me, keeping away from me. Im upset... feel like wanna cry.. feel like wanna left here, feel like wanan run away as hard as i can. Every smile is not for me, every conversation made behind of me.
Should i staying here ?? i keep on and keep on asking myself... ppl leaving me, leaving me alone. Im all alone, im all alone here. Plz help me.. answer me, should i still staying here or i should go. Go to somewhere which less ppl know about me... so that i can start it all over again. Help me plz..
my mind is blank... damn blank.. looking ppl walking n talking ard me, they r not walking towards me n not talking with me. Im stay alone quietly with no one... Am i still belong here? Looks like im invisible like that.. Eventhough ppl who know about me, keeping away from me. Im upset... feel like wanna cry.. feel like wanna left here, feel like wanan run away as hard as i can. Every smile is not for me, every conversation made behind of me.
Should i staying here ?? i keep on and keep on asking myself... ppl leaving me, leaving me alone. Im all alone, im all alone here. Plz help me.. answer me, should i still staying here or i should go. Go to somewhere which less ppl know about me... so that i can start it all over again. Help me plz..
Monday, April 28, 2008
Relax~~
1.12am Finally im at home.. writing something, i a very relax mood... Eventhough at home, buthen dunno y.. feeling like somekindda emptiness. Im starting become quiet at office.... keep on and keep on working silencily.At last, my boss letting me goin up to igloo for a few months to have some training, buthen from his talking, i feel like he is leting me to relax n scare me too stress in commercial onli letting me goin up to have a rest. AArrrgggHHHH!!!! i wanan write on blog buthen im watching TV lah.... Damn... i ahve alot to say here... eventhough no one wanan read my bullshiting... dont care lah.. let me finsih da series 1st then onli continue.... GOGOGOGOGO!!!! |
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Still the same
3.40am
Im still at office.. very tired... but this song giving me motivation to stay awake n work... here the song that i really love it... dont know y.. is kindda soft and.. all bout feeling..
我不需要Tiffany.. the song i mention bout...
i think i need a rest 1st... so.. chaoz... SLEEP!!!!!
Im still at office.. very tired... but this song giving me motivation to stay awake n work... here the song that i really love it... dont know y.. is kindda soft and.. all bout feeling..
我不需要Tiffany.. the song i mention bout...
i think i need a rest 1st... so.. chaoz... SLEEP!!!!!
Go Go Go
2.41am
I've finish 1 more shot blocking... not i wanna be fast.. is just i have to finish all these as soon as possible. Caz theres something that i dont really wanan in this animation anymore. Have to leave the love 1 ( animation ) is kindda hard. Not i wanan left 3D industry lah.. caz 3D have many section mah.. Animation, Lighting, Technical, Modeling and etc.... 3D kia will know wat i talking about lah... buthen outsides may not really understand... My working is kindda complicated 1..
If i finish these animation fast i will have a good holiday n can do something diffrent.. maybe is not wat i wan.. but at least i go try for it... Hope i wont be wrong on this time for choosing other then animation..
Continue.. i wanan shoot down at least 4 shot blocking by today.. i mean before around 6am... God bless.. YAAAHHhhhAAAAA!!!!!!! DO WORK!!!!!
I've finish 1 more shot blocking... not i wanna be fast.. is just i have to finish all these as soon as possible. Caz theres something that i dont really wanan in this animation anymore. Have to leave the love 1 ( animation ) is kindda hard. Not i wanan left 3D industry lah.. caz 3D have many section mah.. Animation, Lighting, Technical, Modeling and etc.... 3D kia will know wat i talking about lah... buthen outsides may not really understand... My working is kindda complicated 1..
If i finish these animation fast i will have a good holiday n can do something diffrent.. maybe is not wat i wan.. but at least i go try for it... Hope i wont be wrong on this time for choosing other then animation..
Continue.. i wanan shoot down at least 4 shot blocking by today.. i mean before around 6am... God bless.. YAAAHHhhhAAAAA!!!!!!! DO WORK!!!!!
Works works lots of work... little salary..
11.47pm
Yahhhoooooo!!!! I've finish 1 of 5 blocking animation... 4 to go. Due date is tuesday... left 2 days more.. It is impossible to finish this fast for the rest of shot?? I dont think so.. caz IM TIRED LAH... keep on rushing n rushing for jobs.. never ending busniess... I wanna have a rest.. fly to other country n take a look of others ppl working on this industry.. is it so like me ?? still facing monitor n do their jobs while others r resting or playing??
Too many complain... is non-stop cursing.. when it will end?? ok back to wat i wanan tell.. Y my life is so like that...?? is it i need extravagant life?? But after 3 years working... all like overniting.. rushing n full boost on everyjobs... i got nothing.. not even saving much money too. Count back on time.. im not really use that much mah... mostly spend on eat, toys erm.. ermm ... ermm.. Console machine ( ps2, psp and nds i think), Handphones the most...
Just like every start of a year i also change new hp... from da early nokia 6681, sony erricson W800i, Sony erricsson dunno wat series, Motorola A100 touch screen n now is Nokia dunno wat series also... y ha?? everytime i also telling myself that. Enough di lah.. enough di.. last phone last phone.. really last 1.. But end of the year i also have an idea to change it.. I love new gadget.. buthen i dont have much money to own it...
Just like then thing i plan to buy... PS3.. is it worth it ?? i dont really know, buthen theres many 'needed' stuff i should spend on, just like Computer, Tv for my bedroom, refrence books....AAARRRGGGGHHHH too many have to buy n too less money i earn...
So... haiz.. wat to do?? wait loh.. saving money.. but my car installment, insurans... petrol... eat... so many sextra expenses... haiz... SALARY.. U SMALL LITTLE MUTHER FUKER... WHN U WILL GROW LARGE??
Continue work... lets go.. work for more salary... ohh.. i forgot.. i wanna a I-Phone too.. shit~~~
Yahhhoooooo!!!! I've finish 1 of 5 blocking animation... 4 to go. Due date is tuesday... left 2 days more.. It is impossible to finish this fast for the rest of shot?? I dont think so.. caz IM TIRED LAH... keep on rushing n rushing for jobs.. never ending busniess... I wanna have a rest.. fly to other country n take a look of others ppl working on this industry.. is it so like me ?? still facing monitor n do their jobs while others r resting or playing??
Too many complain... is non-stop cursing.. when it will end?? ok back to wat i wanan tell.. Y my life is so like that...?? is it i need extravagant life?? But after 3 years working... all like overniting.. rushing n full boost on everyjobs... i got nothing.. not even saving much money too. Count back on time.. im not really use that much mah... mostly spend on eat, toys erm.. ermm ... ermm.. Console machine ( ps2, psp and nds i think), Handphones the most...
Just like every start of a year i also change new hp... from da early nokia 6681, sony erricson W800i, Sony erricsson dunno wat series, Motorola A100 touch screen n now is Nokia dunno wat series also... y ha?? everytime i also telling myself that. Enough di lah.. enough di.. last phone last phone.. really last 1.. But end of the year i also have an idea to change it.. I love new gadget.. buthen i dont have much money to own it...
Just like then thing i plan to buy... PS3.. is it worth it ?? i dont really know, buthen theres many 'needed' stuff i should spend on, just like Computer, Tv for my bedroom, refrence books....AAARRRGGGGHHHH too many have to buy n too less money i earn...
So... haiz.. wat to do?? wait loh.. saving money.. but my car installment, insurans... petrol... eat... so many sextra expenses... haiz... SALARY.. U SMALL LITTLE MUTHER FUKER... WHN U WILL GROW LARGE??
Continue work... lets go.. work for more salary... ohh.. i forgot.. i wanna a I-Phone too.. shit~~~
In the way of changing
8.47 pm
Able to get home this morning with my tired body n soul... thinking to relax for the damn comfortable way. While walking to my front door... damn it, its alot of shoe messing infront my door, n the door is wide open. OHHHH SsSSHIIITTTT... i forgot my bro using this house to have a short film shot... AARRRRGGGGGHHHH, i was like wanan run to my car n drive to other places.. but where can i go?? i cant be my LOVELY office while i try to escape from there... someore is not very good looking whn i sleep there, althought i been having thousnad of dream on da sofa. NO WAY IM NOT GOIN BACK THERE FOR SUNDAY....
So.. wat cna i do?? just straight go in n close up my door. OHH GODDDD!!!! my sunday morning destroied... I tought i can watch dvd, sleep n go for a swim while TODAY IS SUNDAY!!! So.. 10 am i back to room.. locking myself inside... 12 something my mom tapao lunch for me n have to inside my room... then something MK called n ask me wanna have lunch then come to my place to swim... I ask him eat 1st then onli come... caz im not in a good mood.
Ard 2 soemthing my bro coming in my room... and tell me that they r leaving in a short period... OUUHHH GREAT!!! Is not im not letting them to have shoting at home.. buthen BANG~ IS SUNDAY LEH.... He asked me be4 whater can borrow out the house for shoting... is kindda like a short film.. HE TOLD ME IS FRIDAY N SATURDAY.... AND HE DIDNT MENTION BOUT SUNDAY... n then i have to lock myslef in da room n having lunch inside...
Luckily they end at 2 ... then MK arrived, with his sweet 'BEST FRIEND' ( caz i dont really know wat thier relationship, but she alwaz following MK) They we swim on da pool at my Condo..
After several hour passed.. I ate, i shitted, i bath n then i back to office ... SUNDAY... Still cant 100% relax.. Caz i have another job to pass up on next tuesday. Well?? wat to do?? Now at office.. cant concerntrate probably... feeling sleepy and tired... MY SUNDAY... is gonna end is next 3 hours...
Ok thats all... have to do work di... K... Kenny is back.. n im not alone here di... good.. Continue to work... WOOHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Able to get home this morning with my tired body n soul... thinking to relax for the damn comfortable way. While walking to my front door... damn it, its alot of shoe messing infront my door, n the door is wide open. OHHHH SsSSHIIITTTT... i forgot my bro using this house to have a short film shot... AARRRRGGGGGHHHH, i was like wanan run to my car n drive to other places.. but where can i go?? i cant be my LOVELY office while i try to escape from there... someore is not very good looking whn i sleep there, althought i been having thousnad of dream on da sofa. NO WAY IM NOT GOIN BACK THERE FOR SUNDAY....
So.. wat cna i do?? just straight go in n close up my door. OHH GODDDD!!!! my sunday morning destroied... I tought i can watch dvd, sleep n go for a swim while TODAY IS SUNDAY!!! So.. 10 am i back to room.. locking myself inside... 12 something my mom tapao lunch for me n have to inside my room... then something MK called n ask me wanna have lunch then come to my place to swim... I ask him eat 1st then onli come... caz im not in a good mood.
Ard 2 soemthing my bro coming in my room... and tell me that they r leaving in a short period... OUUHHH GREAT!!! Is not im not letting them to have shoting at home.. buthen BANG~ IS SUNDAY LEH.... He asked me be4 whater can borrow out the house for shoting... is kindda like a short film.. HE TOLD ME IS FRIDAY N SATURDAY.... AND HE DIDNT MENTION BOUT SUNDAY... n then i have to lock myslef in da room n having lunch inside...
Luckily they end at 2 ... then MK arrived, with his sweet 'BEST FRIEND' ( caz i dont really know wat thier relationship, but she alwaz following MK) They we swim on da pool at my Condo..
After several hour passed.. I ate, i shitted, i bath n then i back to office ... SUNDAY... Still cant 100% relax.. Caz i have another job to pass up on next tuesday. Well?? wat to do?? Now at office.. cant concerntrate probably... feeling sleepy and tired... MY SUNDAY... is gonna end is next 3 hours...
Ok thats all... have to do work di... K... Kenny is back.. n im not alone here di... good.. Continue to work... WOOHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 25, 2008
KAAA DEEEESSSSHHHH
5.57am
My eyes damn pain lah wei.... My eyes damn tired... no use screammming and yelling here... my jobs still havent done. Still have 1/4 to go, but im tired n sleepy di. Oh... nearly forgot... my barstard friend who backstabing me behind, i had a small chit chating with boss about da backstabing stuff.. n at 1st im asking for a move to Igloo ( which the game studio were closest connection with my company). Means that im goin there to cold down and work for few month there, which they think will gain some exprience. So that i can get away from this problem and have a good rest. Buthen my boss refuse to letting me to go there this early... he say i cant run away from problem like this... i have to face it.. yet i still have a job in here which have to partner with that bastard. I begging n begging to my boss to letting me switch earliar for not partnering with him. But i failed... still have to do da last job for some reason. Then no choice...
At last, i screw that bastard with da history which he chating with my friend on backstabing me. He act like wat he do is good for me and dont regret or feel sorry at all... keep on saying that if the time was right he will tell me, so u can backstab me for sure than telling me face to face is it ?? Haiz... things happen. kindda happy that i found out i have this kindda maggots behind me who acting friend but talking shit behind u... someore with some NIA MA words... unbeliveable whn i reading da history my friend left to me... is like is impossible he is da one who tlaking shit on me... the one who alwaz say ' friend mah... we r buddy, i know u u know me' ... man.. think back also feeling like gay...
So, thats no more mr nice guy at office di... have to be more n more sing mok while doing stuff n acting di, building up wall n defense from everyone. For u own good sake, dont ever trust a single person who smiling at u without a purpose... Smiling but carring a knife 1 ahhh tell u ... alrite.. head back to works..
NO~~~ Ciggy break 1st... DUNHILLLLL MUTU KEUNGULAN!!! Chaaaaoooozzzzz.....
My eyes damn pain lah wei.... My eyes damn tired... no use screammming and yelling here... my jobs still havent done. Still have 1/4 to go, but im tired n sleepy di. Oh... nearly forgot... my barstard friend who backstabing me behind, i had a small chit chating with boss about da backstabing stuff.. n at 1st im asking for a move to Igloo ( which the game studio were closest connection with my company). Means that im goin there to cold down and work for few month there, which they think will gain some exprience. So that i can get away from this problem and have a good rest. Buthen my boss refuse to letting me to go there this early... he say i cant run away from problem like this... i have to face it.. yet i still have a job in here which have to partner with that bastard. I begging n begging to my boss to letting me switch earliar for not partnering with him. But i failed... still have to do da last job for some reason. Then no choice...
At last, i screw that bastard with da history which he chating with my friend on backstabing me. He act like wat he do is good for me and dont regret or feel sorry at all... keep on saying that if the time was right he will tell me, so u can backstab me for sure than telling me face to face is it ?? Haiz... things happen. kindda happy that i found out i have this kindda maggots behind me who acting friend but talking shit behind u... someore with some NIA MA words... unbeliveable whn i reading da history my friend left to me... is like is impossible he is da one who tlaking shit on me... the one who alwaz say ' friend mah... we r buddy, i know u u know me' ... man.. think back also feeling like gay...
So, thats no more mr nice guy at office di... have to be more n more sing mok while doing stuff n acting di, building up wall n defense from everyone. For u own good sake, dont ever trust a single person who smiling at u without a purpose... Smiling but carring a knife 1 ahhh tell u ... alrite.. head back to works..
NO~~~ Ciggy break 1st... DUNHILLLLL MUTU KEUNGULAN!!! Chaaaaoooozzzzz.....
Betray hurts alot
10.16pm
As usual im still at office... doing something that wont be able to finish. Im happy with wat am i doing now, at least i have some good profile job on my hand and then i can proudily to say IS MY JOB... I DONE IT MYSELF!!!!! Sometimes u r not fighting alone... friends or college help u alot. But beware theres someone who looking behind u, watching u carefully, learn ur goodness n fillter ur badness. Being a good guy for me r very damn eazy, i can be good to anyone else... Someone treat me nice i will treat them double nicer then they treated me. I appreaciate everyone who helped me alot, try to be kind n try to not compliant alot infront of them, but some of them r very da CLOSED friend... i will share my deep inside with them, n i aspect them know me well too. But im wrong, everything that i done for so called FRIENDS r wrong...
Do i have to reconsider about wat is Friendship? is it friendship is about give n take onli??? How much u gave me then i have to pay back da amount u given to me?? Or sometimes am i have to hide my true attidute personality n faces them with fake faces or something that they like?? Do i have to act like perfect so that i can earn a true hearted friends??
Im eduactated to be nice to ppl whn i was young, mom used to tell me that rather ppl who hurt us then we hurt other ppl... Should i wear a iron mask or something protaction whn they make jokes on me... then i have to laugh with them while da damage they still leave on da joke they give it to me... sometimes its get me very da piss off.. Am i really useless to u guys?? Or are u all very perfect that dont have any mistake or bad habit at all that u can point mistakes on other n make a damn fuking jokes on ppl??
I know.. im wrong from the very begining... i shouldnt left them joking on me, i should guard myself well, i shouldnt laugh after someone talk badly on me... even have to argue with them badly to protact myself... my honour..
After i knew everything that someone talk badly behind me, no.... is backstab me. Now i learned a lesson... dont even treat other ppl nice other then family.. Have to fight back on everything that will caz me to dead... This world other then family... u cant trust anyone well.. u have to trust urself outside n love urself inside... whn no one r standing beside u.. all u have is ur own.
So i have to make some desicion well tonite.. to get all things clear n have a long vication to let my body and soul release n come back with energy. I shouldnt belief in anyone else now... i have to stay strong so that i dont need anyone else.
As usual im still at office... doing something that wont be able to finish. Im happy with wat am i doing now, at least i have some good profile job on my hand and then i can proudily to say IS MY JOB... I DONE IT MYSELF!!!!! Sometimes u r not fighting alone... friends or college help u alot. But beware theres someone who looking behind u, watching u carefully, learn ur goodness n fillter ur badness. Being a good guy for me r very damn eazy, i can be good to anyone else... Someone treat me nice i will treat them double nicer then they treated me. I appreaciate everyone who helped me alot, try to be kind n try to not compliant alot infront of them, but some of them r very da CLOSED friend... i will share my deep inside with them, n i aspect them know me well too. But im wrong, everything that i done for so called FRIENDS r wrong...
Do i have to reconsider about wat is Friendship? is it friendship is about give n take onli??? How much u gave me then i have to pay back da amount u given to me?? Or sometimes am i have to hide my true attidute personality n faces them with fake faces or something that they like?? Do i have to act like perfect so that i can earn a true hearted friends??
Im eduactated to be nice to ppl whn i was young, mom used to tell me that rather ppl who hurt us then we hurt other ppl... Should i wear a iron mask or something protaction whn they make jokes on me... then i have to laugh with them while da damage they still leave on da joke they give it to me... sometimes its get me very da piss off.. Am i really useless to u guys?? Or are u all very perfect that dont have any mistake or bad habit at all that u can point mistakes on other n make a damn fuking jokes on ppl??
I know.. im wrong from the very begining... i shouldnt left them joking on me, i should guard myself well, i shouldnt laugh after someone talk badly on me... even have to argue with them badly to protact myself... my honour..
After i knew everything that someone talk badly behind me, no.... is backstab me. Now i learned a lesson... dont even treat other ppl nice other then family.. Have to fight back on everything that will caz me to dead... This world other then family... u cant trust anyone well.. u have to trust urself outside n love urself inside... whn no one r standing beside u.. all u have is ur own.
So i have to make some desicion well tonite.. to get all things clear n have a long vication to let my body and soul release n come back with energy. I shouldnt belief in anyone else now... i have to stay strong so that i dont need anyone else.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Stress n release Stress
6.50am
Ciggrates r my best friend while im working on da time like this at my office. Eventhought i know its bad, but i just cant stop it, some like small kid needs candy much. Its spoil ur teeth buthen u still desprite having it...
i been a smoker 4 years ago... It just a entertainment for me whn hanging out with friends, yamcha, clubbing etc. After i started work... it been like even more n more i need it... whn im stress, whn i been rushed n pushed for max, n overniting.
whn this kindda life will end??? i dotn wanna to overnite i dont wanan rush things anymore... I just wanan a simple life with dinner at home or watching DVD before goin to sleep... I been keep on working liek this almost for 2 year.... As a CG artist (CG stand fo Computer Graphic, other ppl named it as 3D, like those fimiliar brand such as Pixar, Dreamworks, blah blah blah) Eiiiii... we r not cool...as u can see me doing endless job here till a whole nite, from a healthy life to erm.... Zoombie movement...
Becaz of these job.... wrong desicion i made while im in college.... i tot it will be fun whn i fresh join this industry. But thats true, whn ppl tell u ' dream cant earn u money to feed'... i have to listen n stick it on ur brain... Im da worst example that shows.... im using my dream to earning me money but end up with nothing i gain.. im not driving big cars n owning big houses with this job... n i will never get all that while im holding this position...
Its not eazy to produce a 3D commercial or movies... its take many times and man power. Plz do really have a look n appreciates watever 3D that show in ur TV screen... u can see blood n tears inside... for making a great commercial... Endless feedback... Endless oevernite n Endless works... that a CG artist life...
AAARRRRRHHHHH, thats useless eventhought u complain that much... still ahve 10 - 20 years to go... is it wat i wan?? just too jealous who r still studying n having fun while im panicing on jobs....
so... back to work... BOOOOSSSSTTTT UUUPPPP!!!!!! Ciggy break 1st... Chaoz~ OOI... MY DUNHILL LEH??? GIVE ME BACK!!!!
Ciggrates r my best friend while im working on da time like this at my office. Eventhought i know its bad, but i just cant stop it, some like small kid needs candy much. Its spoil ur teeth buthen u still desprite having it...
i been a smoker 4 years ago... It just a entertainment for me whn hanging out with friends, yamcha, clubbing etc. After i started work... it been like even more n more i need it... whn im stress, whn i been rushed n pushed for max, n overniting.
whn this kindda life will end??? i dotn wanna to overnite i dont wanan rush things anymore... I just wanan a simple life with dinner at home or watching DVD before goin to sleep... I been keep on working liek this almost for 2 year.... As a CG artist (CG stand fo Computer Graphic, other ppl named it as 3D, like those fimiliar brand such as Pixar, Dreamworks, blah blah blah) Eiiiii... we r not cool...as u can see me doing endless job here till a whole nite, from a healthy life to erm.... Zoombie movement...
Becaz of these job.... wrong desicion i made while im in college.... i tot it will be fun whn i fresh join this industry. But thats true, whn ppl tell u ' dream cant earn u money to feed'... i have to listen n stick it on ur brain... Im da worst example that shows.... im using my dream to earning me money but end up with nothing i gain.. im not driving big cars n owning big houses with this job... n i will never get all that while im holding this position...
Its not eazy to produce a 3D commercial or movies... its take many times and man power. Plz do really have a look n appreciates watever 3D that show in ur TV screen... u can see blood n tears inside... for making a great commercial... Endless feedback... Endless oevernite n Endless works... that a CG artist life...
AAARRRRRHHHHH, thats useless eventhought u complain that much... still ahve 10 - 20 years to go... is it wat i wan?? just too jealous who r still studying n having fun while im panicing on jobs....
so... back to work... BOOOOSSSSTTTT UUUPPPP!!!!!! Ciggy break 1st... Chaoz~ OOI... MY DUNHILL LEH??? GIVE ME BACK!!!!
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