5.20pm
my mind is blank... damn blank.. looking ppl walking n talking ard me, they r not walking towards me n not talking with me. Im stay alone quietly with no one... Am i still belong here? Looks like im invisible like that.. Eventhough ppl who know about me, keeping away from me. Im upset... feel like wanna cry.. feel like wanna left here, feel like wanan run away as hard as i can. Every smile is not for me, every conversation made behind of me.
Should i staying here ?? i keep on and keep on asking myself... ppl leaving me, leaving me alone. Im all alone, im all alone here. Plz help me.. answer me, should i still staying here or i should go. Go to somewhere which less ppl know about me... so that i can start it all over again. Help me plz..
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Relax~~
1.12am Finally im at home.. writing something, i a very relax mood... Eventhough at home, buthen dunno y.. feeling like somekindda emptiness. Im starting become quiet at office.... keep on and keep on working silencily.At last, my boss letting me goin up to igloo for a few months to have some training, buthen from his talking, i feel like he is leting me to relax n scare me too stress in commercial onli letting me goin up to have a rest. AArrrgggHHHH!!!! i wanan write on blog buthen im watching TV lah.... Damn... i ahve alot to say here... eventhough no one wanan read my bullshiting... dont care lah.. let me finsih da series 1st then onli continue.... GOGOGOGOGO!!!! |
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Still the same
3.40am
Im still at office.. very tired... but this song giving me motivation to stay awake n work... here the song that i really love it... dont know y.. is kindda soft and.. all bout feeling..
我不需要Tiffany.. the song i mention bout...
i think i need a rest 1st... so.. chaoz... SLEEP!!!!!
Im still at office.. very tired... but this song giving me motivation to stay awake n work... here the song that i really love it... dont know y.. is kindda soft and.. all bout feeling..
我不需要Tiffany.. the song i mention bout...
i think i need a rest 1st... so.. chaoz... SLEEP!!!!!
Go Go Go
2.41am
I've finish 1 more shot blocking... not i wanna be fast.. is just i have to finish all these as soon as possible. Caz theres something that i dont really wanan in this animation anymore. Have to leave the love 1 ( animation ) is kindda hard. Not i wanan left 3D industry lah.. caz 3D have many section mah.. Animation, Lighting, Technical, Modeling and etc.... 3D kia will know wat i talking about lah... buthen outsides may not really understand... My working is kindda complicated 1..
If i finish these animation fast i will have a good holiday n can do something diffrent.. maybe is not wat i wan.. but at least i go try for it... Hope i wont be wrong on this time for choosing other then animation..
Continue.. i wanan shoot down at least 4 shot blocking by today.. i mean before around 6am... God bless.. YAAAHHhhhAAAAA!!!!!!! DO WORK!!!!!
I've finish 1 more shot blocking... not i wanna be fast.. is just i have to finish all these as soon as possible. Caz theres something that i dont really wanan in this animation anymore. Have to leave the love 1 ( animation ) is kindda hard. Not i wanan left 3D industry lah.. caz 3D have many section mah.. Animation, Lighting, Technical, Modeling and etc.... 3D kia will know wat i talking about lah... buthen outsides may not really understand... My working is kindda complicated 1..
If i finish these animation fast i will have a good holiday n can do something diffrent.. maybe is not wat i wan.. but at least i go try for it... Hope i wont be wrong on this time for choosing other then animation..
Continue.. i wanan shoot down at least 4 shot blocking by today.. i mean before around 6am... God bless.. YAAAHHhhhAAAAA!!!!!!! DO WORK!!!!!
Works works lots of work... little salary..
11.47pm
Yahhhoooooo!!!! I've finish 1 of 5 blocking animation... 4 to go. Due date is tuesday... left 2 days more.. It is impossible to finish this fast for the rest of shot?? I dont think so.. caz IM TIRED LAH... keep on rushing n rushing for jobs.. never ending busniess... I wanna have a rest.. fly to other country n take a look of others ppl working on this industry.. is it so like me ?? still facing monitor n do their jobs while others r resting or playing??
Too many complain... is non-stop cursing.. when it will end?? ok back to wat i wanan tell.. Y my life is so like that...?? is it i need extravagant life?? But after 3 years working... all like overniting.. rushing n full boost on everyjobs... i got nothing.. not even saving much money too. Count back on time.. im not really use that much mah... mostly spend on eat, toys erm.. ermm ... ermm.. Console machine ( ps2, psp and nds i think), Handphones the most...
Just like every start of a year i also change new hp... from da early nokia 6681, sony erricson W800i, Sony erricsson dunno wat series, Motorola A100 touch screen n now is Nokia dunno wat series also... y ha?? everytime i also telling myself that. Enough di lah.. enough di.. last phone last phone.. really last 1.. But end of the year i also have an idea to change it.. I love new gadget.. buthen i dont have much money to own it...
Just like then thing i plan to buy... PS3.. is it worth it ?? i dont really know, buthen theres many 'needed' stuff i should spend on, just like Computer, Tv for my bedroom, refrence books....AAARRRGGGGHHHH too many have to buy n too less money i earn...
So... haiz.. wat to do?? wait loh.. saving money.. but my car installment, insurans... petrol... eat... so many sextra expenses... haiz... SALARY.. U SMALL LITTLE MUTHER FUKER... WHN U WILL GROW LARGE??
Continue work... lets go.. work for more salary... ohh.. i forgot.. i wanna a I-Phone too.. shit~~~
Yahhhoooooo!!!! I've finish 1 of 5 blocking animation... 4 to go. Due date is tuesday... left 2 days more.. It is impossible to finish this fast for the rest of shot?? I dont think so.. caz IM TIRED LAH... keep on rushing n rushing for jobs.. never ending busniess... I wanna have a rest.. fly to other country n take a look of others ppl working on this industry.. is it so like me ?? still facing monitor n do their jobs while others r resting or playing??
Too many complain... is non-stop cursing.. when it will end?? ok back to wat i wanan tell.. Y my life is so like that...?? is it i need extravagant life?? But after 3 years working... all like overniting.. rushing n full boost on everyjobs... i got nothing.. not even saving much money too. Count back on time.. im not really use that much mah... mostly spend on eat, toys erm.. ermm ... ermm.. Console machine ( ps2, psp and nds i think), Handphones the most...
Just like every start of a year i also change new hp... from da early nokia 6681, sony erricson W800i, Sony erricsson dunno wat series, Motorola A100 touch screen n now is Nokia dunno wat series also... y ha?? everytime i also telling myself that. Enough di lah.. enough di.. last phone last phone.. really last 1.. But end of the year i also have an idea to change it.. I love new gadget.. buthen i dont have much money to own it...
Just like then thing i plan to buy... PS3.. is it worth it ?? i dont really know, buthen theres many 'needed' stuff i should spend on, just like Computer, Tv for my bedroom, refrence books....AAARRRGGGGHHHH too many have to buy n too less money i earn...
So... haiz.. wat to do?? wait loh.. saving money.. but my car installment, insurans... petrol... eat... so many sextra expenses... haiz... SALARY.. U SMALL LITTLE MUTHER FUKER... WHN U WILL GROW LARGE??
Continue work... lets go.. work for more salary... ohh.. i forgot.. i wanna a I-Phone too.. shit~~~
In the way of changing
8.47 pm
Able to get home this morning with my tired body n soul... thinking to relax for the damn comfortable way. While walking to my front door... damn it, its alot of shoe messing infront my door, n the door is wide open. OHHHH SsSSHIIITTTT... i forgot my bro using this house to have a short film shot... AARRRRGGGGGHHHH, i was like wanan run to my car n drive to other places.. but where can i go?? i cant be my LOVELY office while i try to escape from there... someore is not very good looking whn i sleep there, althought i been having thousnad of dream on da sofa. NO WAY IM NOT GOIN BACK THERE FOR SUNDAY....
So.. wat cna i do?? just straight go in n close up my door. OHH GODDDD!!!! my sunday morning destroied... I tought i can watch dvd, sleep n go for a swim while TODAY IS SUNDAY!!! So.. 10 am i back to room.. locking myself inside... 12 something my mom tapao lunch for me n have to inside my room... then something MK called n ask me wanna have lunch then come to my place to swim... I ask him eat 1st then onli come... caz im not in a good mood.
Ard 2 soemthing my bro coming in my room... and tell me that they r leaving in a short period... OUUHHH GREAT!!! Is not im not letting them to have shoting at home.. buthen BANG~ IS SUNDAY LEH.... He asked me be4 whater can borrow out the house for shoting... is kindda like a short film.. HE TOLD ME IS FRIDAY N SATURDAY.... AND HE DIDNT MENTION BOUT SUNDAY... n then i have to lock myslef in da room n having lunch inside...
Luckily they end at 2 ... then MK arrived, with his sweet 'BEST FRIEND' ( caz i dont really know wat thier relationship, but she alwaz following MK) They we swim on da pool at my Condo..
After several hour passed.. I ate, i shitted, i bath n then i back to office ... SUNDAY... Still cant 100% relax.. Caz i have another job to pass up on next tuesday. Well?? wat to do?? Now at office.. cant concerntrate probably... feeling sleepy and tired... MY SUNDAY... is gonna end is next 3 hours...
Ok thats all... have to do work di... K... Kenny is back.. n im not alone here di... good.. Continue to work... WOOHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Able to get home this morning with my tired body n soul... thinking to relax for the damn comfortable way. While walking to my front door... damn it, its alot of shoe messing infront my door, n the door is wide open. OHHHH SsSSHIIITTTT... i forgot my bro using this house to have a short film shot... AARRRRGGGGGHHHH, i was like wanan run to my car n drive to other places.. but where can i go?? i cant be my LOVELY office while i try to escape from there... someore is not very good looking whn i sleep there, althought i been having thousnad of dream on da sofa. NO WAY IM NOT GOIN BACK THERE FOR SUNDAY....
So.. wat cna i do?? just straight go in n close up my door. OHH GODDDD!!!! my sunday morning destroied... I tought i can watch dvd, sleep n go for a swim while TODAY IS SUNDAY!!! So.. 10 am i back to room.. locking myself inside... 12 something my mom tapao lunch for me n have to inside my room... then something MK called n ask me wanna have lunch then come to my place to swim... I ask him eat 1st then onli come... caz im not in a good mood.
Ard 2 soemthing my bro coming in my room... and tell me that they r leaving in a short period... OUUHHH GREAT!!! Is not im not letting them to have shoting at home.. buthen BANG~ IS SUNDAY LEH.... He asked me be4 whater can borrow out the house for shoting... is kindda like a short film.. HE TOLD ME IS FRIDAY N SATURDAY.... AND HE DIDNT MENTION BOUT SUNDAY... n then i have to lock myslef in da room n having lunch inside...
Luckily they end at 2 ... then MK arrived, with his sweet 'BEST FRIEND' ( caz i dont really know wat thier relationship, but she alwaz following MK) They we swim on da pool at my Condo..
After several hour passed.. I ate, i shitted, i bath n then i back to office ... SUNDAY... Still cant 100% relax.. Caz i have another job to pass up on next tuesday. Well?? wat to do?? Now at office.. cant concerntrate probably... feeling sleepy and tired... MY SUNDAY... is gonna end is next 3 hours...
Ok thats all... have to do work di... K... Kenny is back.. n im not alone here di... good.. Continue to work... WOOHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 25, 2008
KAAA DEEEESSSSHHHH
5.57am
My eyes damn pain lah wei.... My eyes damn tired... no use screammming and yelling here... my jobs still havent done. Still have 1/4 to go, but im tired n sleepy di. Oh... nearly forgot... my barstard friend who backstabing me behind, i had a small chit chating with boss about da backstabing stuff.. n at 1st im asking for a move to Igloo ( which the game studio were closest connection with my company). Means that im goin there to cold down and work for few month there, which they think will gain some exprience. So that i can get away from this problem and have a good rest. Buthen my boss refuse to letting me to go there this early... he say i cant run away from problem like this... i have to face it.. yet i still have a job in here which have to partner with that bastard. I begging n begging to my boss to letting me switch earliar for not partnering with him. But i failed... still have to do da last job for some reason. Then no choice...
At last, i screw that bastard with da history which he chating with my friend on backstabing me. He act like wat he do is good for me and dont regret or feel sorry at all... keep on saying that if the time was right he will tell me, so u can backstab me for sure than telling me face to face is it ?? Haiz... things happen. kindda happy that i found out i have this kindda maggots behind me who acting friend but talking shit behind u... someore with some NIA MA words... unbeliveable whn i reading da history my friend left to me... is like is impossible he is da one who tlaking shit on me... the one who alwaz say ' friend mah... we r buddy, i know u u know me' ... man.. think back also feeling like gay...
So, thats no more mr nice guy at office di... have to be more n more sing mok while doing stuff n acting di, building up wall n defense from everyone. For u own good sake, dont ever trust a single person who smiling at u without a purpose... Smiling but carring a knife 1 ahhh tell u ... alrite.. head back to works..
NO~~~ Ciggy break 1st... DUNHILLLLL MUTU KEUNGULAN!!! Chaaaaoooozzzzz.....
My eyes damn pain lah wei.... My eyes damn tired... no use screammming and yelling here... my jobs still havent done. Still have 1/4 to go, but im tired n sleepy di. Oh... nearly forgot... my barstard friend who backstabing me behind, i had a small chit chating with boss about da backstabing stuff.. n at 1st im asking for a move to Igloo ( which the game studio were closest connection with my company). Means that im goin there to cold down and work for few month there, which they think will gain some exprience. So that i can get away from this problem and have a good rest. Buthen my boss refuse to letting me to go there this early... he say i cant run away from problem like this... i have to face it.. yet i still have a job in here which have to partner with that bastard. I begging n begging to my boss to letting me switch earliar for not partnering with him. But i failed... still have to do da last job for some reason. Then no choice...
At last, i screw that bastard with da history which he chating with my friend on backstabing me. He act like wat he do is good for me and dont regret or feel sorry at all... keep on saying that if the time was right he will tell me, so u can backstab me for sure than telling me face to face is it ?? Haiz... things happen. kindda happy that i found out i have this kindda maggots behind me who acting friend but talking shit behind u... someore with some NIA MA words... unbeliveable whn i reading da history my friend left to me... is like is impossible he is da one who tlaking shit on me... the one who alwaz say ' friend mah... we r buddy, i know u u know me' ... man.. think back also feeling like gay...
So, thats no more mr nice guy at office di... have to be more n more sing mok while doing stuff n acting di, building up wall n defense from everyone. For u own good sake, dont ever trust a single person who smiling at u without a purpose... Smiling but carring a knife 1 ahhh tell u ... alrite.. head back to works..
NO~~~ Ciggy break 1st... DUNHILLLLL MUTU KEUNGULAN!!! Chaaaaoooozzzzz.....
Betray hurts alot
10.16pm
As usual im still at office... doing something that wont be able to finish. Im happy with wat am i doing now, at least i have some good profile job on my hand and then i can proudily to say IS MY JOB... I DONE IT MYSELF!!!!! Sometimes u r not fighting alone... friends or college help u alot. But beware theres someone who looking behind u, watching u carefully, learn ur goodness n fillter ur badness. Being a good guy for me r very damn eazy, i can be good to anyone else... Someone treat me nice i will treat them double nicer then they treated me. I appreaciate everyone who helped me alot, try to be kind n try to not compliant alot infront of them, but some of them r very da CLOSED friend... i will share my deep inside with them, n i aspect them know me well too. But im wrong, everything that i done for so called FRIENDS r wrong...
Do i have to reconsider about wat is Friendship? is it friendship is about give n take onli??? How much u gave me then i have to pay back da amount u given to me?? Or sometimes am i have to hide my true attidute personality n faces them with fake faces or something that they like?? Do i have to act like perfect so that i can earn a true hearted friends??
Im eduactated to be nice to ppl whn i was young, mom used to tell me that rather ppl who hurt us then we hurt other ppl... Should i wear a iron mask or something protaction whn they make jokes on me... then i have to laugh with them while da damage they still leave on da joke they give it to me... sometimes its get me very da piss off.. Am i really useless to u guys?? Or are u all very perfect that dont have any mistake or bad habit at all that u can point mistakes on other n make a damn fuking jokes on ppl??
I know.. im wrong from the very begining... i shouldnt left them joking on me, i should guard myself well, i shouldnt laugh after someone talk badly on me... even have to argue with them badly to protact myself... my honour..
After i knew everything that someone talk badly behind me, no.... is backstab me. Now i learned a lesson... dont even treat other ppl nice other then family.. Have to fight back on everything that will caz me to dead... This world other then family... u cant trust anyone well.. u have to trust urself outside n love urself inside... whn no one r standing beside u.. all u have is ur own.
So i have to make some desicion well tonite.. to get all things clear n have a long vication to let my body and soul release n come back with energy. I shouldnt belief in anyone else now... i have to stay strong so that i dont need anyone else.
As usual im still at office... doing something that wont be able to finish. Im happy with wat am i doing now, at least i have some good profile job on my hand and then i can proudily to say IS MY JOB... I DONE IT MYSELF!!!!! Sometimes u r not fighting alone... friends or college help u alot. But beware theres someone who looking behind u, watching u carefully, learn ur goodness n fillter ur badness. Being a good guy for me r very damn eazy, i can be good to anyone else... Someone treat me nice i will treat them double nicer then they treated me. I appreaciate everyone who helped me alot, try to be kind n try to not compliant alot infront of them, but some of them r very da CLOSED friend... i will share my deep inside with them, n i aspect them know me well too. But im wrong, everything that i done for so called FRIENDS r wrong...
Do i have to reconsider about wat is Friendship? is it friendship is about give n take onli??? How much u gave me then i have to pay back da amount u given to me?? Or sometimes am i have to hide my true attidute personality n faces them with fake faces or something that they like?? Do i have to act like perfect so that i can earn a true hearted friends??
Im eduactated to be nice to ppl whn i was young, mom used to tell me that rather ppl who hurt us then we hurt other ppl... Should i wear a iron mask or something protaction whn they make jokes on me... then i have to laugh with them while da damage they still leave on da joke they give it to me... sometimes its get me very da piss off.. Am i really useless to u guys?? Or are u all very perfect that dont have any mistake or bad habit at all that u can point mistakes on other n make a damn fuking jokes on ppl??
I know.. im wrong from the very begining... i shouldnt left them joking on me, i should guard myself well, i shouldnt laugh after someone talk badly on me... even have to argue with them badly to protact myself... my honour..
After i knew everything that someone talk badly behind me, no.... is backstab me. Now i learned a lesson... dont even treat other ppl nice other then family.. Have to fight back on everything that will caz me to dead... This world other then family... u cant trust anyone well.. u have to trust urself outside n love urself inside... whn no one r standing beside u.. all u have is ur own.
So i have to make some desicion well tonite.. to get all things clear n have a long vication to let my body and soul release n come back with energy. I shouldnt belief in anyone else now... i have to stay strong so that i dont need anyone else.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Stress n release Stress
6.50am
Ciggrates r my best friend while im working on da time like this at my office. Eventhought i know its bad, but i just cant stop it, some like small kid needs candy much. Its spoil ur teeth buthen u still desprite having it...
i been a smoker 4 years ago... It just a entertainment for me whn hanging out with friends, yamcha, clubbing etc. After i started work... it been like even more n more i need it... whn im stress, whn i been rushed n pushed for max, n overniting.
whn this kindda life will end??? i dotn wanna to overnite i dont wanan rush things anymore... I just wanan a simple life with dinner at home or watching DVD before goin to sleep... I been keep on working liek this almost for 2 year.... As a CG artist (CG stand fo Computer Graphic, other ppl named it as 3D, like those fimiliar brand such as Pixar, Dreamworks, blah blah blah) Eiiiii... we r not cool...as u can see me doing endless job here till a whole nite, from a healthy life to erm.... Zoombie movement...
Becaz of these job.... wrong desicion i made while im in college.... i tot it will be fun whn i fresh join this industry. But thats true, whn ppl tell u ' dream cant earn u money to feed'... i have to listen n stick it on ur brain... Im da worst example that shows.... im using my dream to earning me money but end up with nothing i gain.. im not driving big cars n owning big houses with this job... n i will never get all that while im holding this position...
Its not eazy to produce a 3D commercial or movies... its take many times and man power. Plz do really have a look n appreciates watever 3D that show in ur TV screen... u can see blood n tears inside... for making a great commercial... Endless feedback... Endless oevernite n Endless works... that a CG artist life...
AAARRRRRHHHHH, thats useless eventhought u complain that much... still ahve 10 - 20 years to go... is it wat i wan?? just too jealous who r still studying n having fun while im panicing on jobs....
so... back to work... BOOOOSSSSTTTT UUUPPPP!!!!!! Ciggy break 1st... Chaoz~ OOI... MY DUNHILL LEH??? GIVE ME BACK!!!!
Ciggrates r my best friend while im working on da time like this at my office. Eventhought i know its bad, but i just cant stop it, some like small kid needs candy much. Its spoil ur teeth buthen u still desprite having it...
i been a smoker 4 years ago... It just a entertainment for me whn hanging out with friends, yamcha, clubbing etc. After i started work... it been like even more n more i need it... whn im stress, whn i been rushed n pushed for max, n overniting.
whn this kindda life will end??? i dotn wanna to overnite i dont wanan rush things anymore... I just wanan a simple life with dinner at home or watching DVD before goin to sleep... I been keep on working liek this almost for 2 year.... As a CG artist (CG stand fo Computer Graphic, other ppl named it as 3D, like those fimiliar brand such as Pixar, Dreamworks, blah blah blah) Eiiiii... we r not cool...as u can see me doing endless job here till a whole nite, from a healthy life to erm.... Zoombie movement...
Becaz of these job.... wrong desicion i made while im in college.... i tot it will be fun whn i fresh join this industry. But thats true, whn ppl tell u ' dream cant earn u money to feed'... i have to listen n stick it on ur brain... Im da worst example that shows.... im using my dream to earning me money but end up with nothing i gain.. im not driving big cars n owning big houses with this job... n i will never get all that while im holding this position...
Its not eazy to produce a 3D commercial or movies... its take many times and man power. Plz do really have a look n appreciates watever 3D that show in ur TV screen... u can see blood n tears inside... for making a great commercial... Endless feedback... Endless oevernite n Endless works... that a CG artist life...
AAARRRRRHHHHH, thats useless eventhought u complain that much... still ahve 10 - 20 years to go... is it wat i wan?? just too jealous who r still studying n having fun while im panicing on jobs....
so... back to work... BOOOOSSSSTTTT UUUPPPP!!!!!! Ciggy break 1st... Chaoz~ OOI... MY DUNHILL LEH??? GIVE ME BACK!!!!
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