I have CHANGED!!!!

i started to like someone i used to be HATE in few years ago.... Started to browse thru his folio, and started to realize his good n awesome artwork... Few years ago, caz of some missunderstand and jealous make me hate him deep in my heart. Now i realize im just a little bug compare to a perfect person like him... Good looking, good attidute, bravo skill of drawing and many many thing.. I used to tell other ppl about how hate im to him, but never realize he is god.. in every drawing artist heart.. some copying his style of drawing, some appreciate his art work...
Damn i have lose to someone perfect... but start to like him... damn it... i start to collect his stuff his artwork even browse into his website and then read his blog... fuker i hate him as knowing him so late... he is the man.. a true man.. U are right, im wrong.. he is a perfect person for u all..
Im just jealous on him by being a better person than me for u ... god bless to the person im mention and i used to be hate!!

HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!

I found a job di eventually... but i dont really like it... its a game company, everytime i wake up i feel like wanan running away from there. It is at KL sentral, 1 of the biggest game company, im very pround of i was shortlisted. Whn the day i start work. Damn it using another software is not a good idea for me. I cant make friends inside, my working on game r slow n someore i dont even think that i wil stay there for more then 8 hours... all i wan is just goin back n CRY.. i started feel like to cry!!!! The first time i work till wanna cry is so unbelievable. So i decide to go back my old company, buthen with the market r damn fuking low now, they dont have that budget to offer me back. I been heard alots of " we are not hiring 3D animator by now " this kindda JOKES.... I hate everythings now, i dont even go for lunch caz i wanan to finish stuff fast then i can go back home, i dont really think to stay there.... Can i go back now?? I hate my life for now...!!!!! for now!!!!! NOW!!!! FOR HOPELESS N JOBLESS!!!!!!!!!

23years human life time...

一路走过安分的23岁。 一直行走在已经为我建好的铁路。 我就好像火车般，从来都没越轨。 在安稳的轨道上； 我遇见好多好多各型种类的怪兽。 原来，我和怪兽那么的有冤； 常咬着我不放。 那。。。 总是微笑的石头怪； 邪邪的黑面瘦猴； 白里透红，自大的花仙； 暴力血腥的猩猩； 情绪常不稳定的长竹仙； 圆圆，牙里闪闪亮亮的熊猫； 怎样都吃不肥的怪物； 好多好多。。。。 一直想要疯狂的行驶自己的脑袋； 可惜永远都被现势克制着。 自以为的巨人，常常出现在我烦恼的时候； 把我压的透不过气来。 为什么，通常在面临崩溃的悬崖； 总会出现不想看见的脸。 不想被误会的我； 常常就会被抹黑。 23的回忆，会永远的烙在脑海中吗？ 会渐渐消失？还是会有另外的续集？ 我会打赢并消失掉那群怪兽吗？ 24的我，越了轨，离开了那些怪兽。 越轨的两个月，静静的感受我拚了两年命所剩下的气息。 微弱，我所感受到的； 我想，恢复元气；毁掉怨气，真的需要一段时间和空间。 慢慢的，我相信，忘记一切； 是迎接新的季节的开始。

Mc day

Now is 3 in the morning, i still havent sleep yet. I wake up at ard 11 something nite, n then have my so called dinner ard 2 something by order Mc delivery. My god i been eating Mc from 2 days di... Today really.. i spend almost time on bed sleeping... wat makes me feel tired?? dont really know..?? maybe my sleeping time is turned ard di qua... damn it i sleep too much di lah.. cannot lah.. have to find soemthing to do di... Sunday... man.. i dont have plan.. think will staying at home watch movie qua... having an interview next monday... wish me luck... Plus bday is coming on 8 days time.. dont worry i will keep on remind u... hahaha Supper + dinner = MC!!!!

ms

coming near

my bday is ard di.... 10 days counting... dunno wil be a happy 1 or still da normal day? feel moody today.. how can u feel happy whn things not goin well each days? think alot, worries that continue coming... too many uncomfirm.. never been happy then ever like last time di... everything change... i have to understand it.. i have to make myself clear with wat i have now.. i have to do many things that forget bout the mistake i have made... nothing is making me cool.. nothing making me happy... nothing making me smile.. nothing making me pround n nothing making me dare to do... I dont wanan to be unhappy anymore.. i dont wanan to make any decisions anymore... i dont wanan to make ppl worry bout me anymore.. i wanan to be tough i wanan to be strong n i wanna to be pround of myself start from now... but can i?? So... smile at me n say everything will be alrite.. nothing will bring u down.. n nothing will bring u away... give me a hand n let me hold it while im sad n down... be the angel that will kick my ass n ask me to work harder... hahaha for life.. cheers everyone that care bout me... i owe u..

Ready, Get set.... RUN!!!!!

As usuall.. im gonna post something not really positive here again.... every of my post i realize that nothing r sharing happy to others... Man.. today i feel weird... being jobless for 2 month di... nothing really can cheer me up. In this 2 month time, i go shopping lah, go watch movie lah, go clubbing lah do watever things that i cant do during working time... Im really lost many happy time while working, staying in office whole week without goin back home. Why? why would i dare to lose so much last time??? Is it worth it? I dunno, outsiders call our company as hardcore hell.. doing without caring bout time.. So, im 1 of the hardcore inside. Aiyah... dont talk work di lah.. im really workholic man.. other then work really dunno wat else can do di... Oh yah, recently i went to gym, thinking to build up muscle n cut off my lemak. Im not really fat lah... but the body shape looks dont nice loh... so have to work on it hard, then see my result in short time.. I havent really plan for my future, im already 24 now, really dunno wat to do in future. I cant sta in 3D industry in rest of my life, caz it cant earn more. The highest pay onli go to 10k onli... just for very very very outstanding ppl... for normal it onli goin to be 7k plus onli lah... Wat do i really wanan to do in future?? maybe some busniess or erm.... dunno... 3D industry really diffrent then others, it cant really earn money... is the 1st point, n then it not really a busniess... its a service. Ppl pay thn get our service then walk of happily... buthen we do untill die they also dunno, just make black faces n ask us to change this n add more on that... So, thats y i call it not a busniess. Maybe will do some T-shirt design n sell it off qua, buthen have to plann. Its not a 1 person work, it have to involve many ppl, such as designer lah, marketing lah n marketing consultant as well.... I plan be4 long time ago, to create a logo or character for my T-shirt... buthen cant really figure out wat i really wann for design... i keep on research reserch n research, really got nothing to myself. I have a really simple marketing planning on T-shirt selling, buthen dunno its really work anot.... Somore i dont really dare to start all it now... caz the most important thing 'money' not enough. Cant think where to sell n how to get link or connection to other store... have to replan seriously.... Dont wanna to get back old working life di, very scare of it. So start a small busniess will be ok i think buthen have to wait after a year 1st.... not so soon. Ok well... it been a wonderful time with u guys here, i will appreciate it all.. thanks for ur kindness been sitting here watching me bullshiting... Thnks .. haha

can u draw out a beautiful rainbow?

Hey.... theres many things happend i this couple of week... dont u realize that i getting slim n un happy? Happy smiling faces r getting away from me... i can't even smile happily like old times having fun with some of my best friend.
I even getting far n far with them n getting less n less chating topic with them. i realize sometimes i come out yam cha with them i also get less to talk. Just starring at my drink n suck the straw onli. If no or suck ciggy every 3 mins or 5 mins whn getting silence... No is not im getting silence in any purpose... is im really cant to get to know what they talking about... after not really get involve in thier acivities.. yah for true. im getting away from my buddies... i also dunno why, tell u wat... i feel like im getting to change to other person n having diffrent characteristic... WAT THE FUK!!! im getting silence n scare to give opinion whn dicussing on a topic that use to be fun in amoung of us... I hate myself for now, i lose many things... many many things...
Somelike something is controling my life... just like an adult taking away lollipops from a kid... Im upset n letting many ppl upset on me.. i have make my exboss dissapoint on my childish mind n letting many collegue n friend dissapoint on me... n i also let myself leaving black named in lots of ppl... i damn damn hate myself ... i wish the time could back to where i find true happiness n wat we call friendship ard...
After 2 years in a company that u work very hard n having great times on, n then they all turn back on u... n then u walk on a wrong way that cant turn ard n go back n tell them how u feel sorry to them n ask for help... u cant!!! u cant.. i telling myself i cant ... theres no turning back di... i already walk on dead end of myself... friends n colluge that used to work realy hard together.. the partner that we rush trought many endless jobs...
2 years... from a foolish young buddy to fly high n then drop to an end now... many i get experience from them n then also lost many to them also... the day we drunk.. the day we laugh the day we overnite together n then the day we argue with some little problem for letting the job goin prefectly... the we smoke together also the day we cry for some stupid reason... n we get lost n heading on diffrent way... i tot collegue can be friends someore is closest caz we fight together n feel the victory together.. but till the end i walk on myself then i realize im wrong... theres nothing is forever in ur life except ur dear family...
I been given up before from them, getting uncontrolable infront of bosses, getting crazy n getting my head of... i miss the day we get to know each other whn the really fresh flystudio begin... now the memory showing in my mind i dunno wat to do already... Now i getting ready to new company n then theres no other chances we can get be together di... someore i dunno say... i lost di...
So long guys... my best flystudio soilders, tell u guys wat... accuatlly.. i didnt get prepared to leave u guys in then sense of working.. is just i done alot of stupidness n get myself shame infront of u guys... till i cant be there with u all working. U all r a team... remember that, someone will be messing u guys ard buthen u all have to get together n find out who r doing bastard things ard...
To my boss.... u r a lovely boss n a good till best boss.... i belive that no one outside will get better then u... is i owe u too much n then i can get n e better from u n i feel like i cant contribute more better for u n the company di... now i have to say sorry of all i done that make u feel dissapointed n things getting too sudden...
Kim, the onli person that i mention name in here from flystudio, i owe u alot... i know u alwaz know wat the hell im up to... i know u try to figure out wat im upset on sometimes... u r a best man from all the ppl i know. The producer that we work on happily, hope u will get happy everyday like i alwaz see u laugh n smile in the studio... u r the person in flystudio i get to know.. u try very hard to work with us... alwaz letting us to work in the bst condition.. im really owe u alot... thank u alot...
Im often telling u guys wat happen on me... accuatlly... im an emotioned person.. letting emotion showing the way of the day is terrible.. like me.. if facing something i dont like... i will straightly put it up on my face... it is bad.. i know... it will cause other ppl unhappy... like at last im causing myself getting away from u guys.. sometimes i treat u guys nice is not i wanan something from u all, is i wanna to see u guys getting happy n less worries.. buthen it cause me get angry that someone planning something that didnt ask me along or join too... thats im upset on...
Thats too many things happend between us.. happy sad anger... just wish u guys getting happier n stronger, i will be better n better n will get the memory that having u guys in my little mind... theres a space in my mind that have Meng, Kim, Eve, CK, Pang, Weiliat, Xiang, Kenny, Jin Wei, Yong Xiong, Liaw... we use to be a team... n alwaz will..
God bless u guys, bye