Betray hurts alot

10.16pm

As usual im still at office... doing something that wont be able to finish. Im happy with wat am i doing now, at least i have some good profile job on my hand and then i can proudily to say IS MY JOB... I DONE IT MYSELF!!!!! Sometimes u r not fighting alone... friends or college help u alot. But beware theres someone who looking behind u, watching u carefully, learn ur goodness n fillter ur badness. Being a good guy for me r very damn eazy, i can be good to anyone else... Someone treat me nice i will treat them double nicer then they treated me. I appreaciate everyone who helped me alot, try to be kind n try to not compliant alot infront of them, but some of them r very da CLOSED friend... i will share my deep inside with them, n i aspect them know me well too. But im wrong, everything that i done for so called FRIENDS r wrong...
Do i have to reconsider about wat is Friendship? is it friendship is about give n take onli??? How much u gave me then i have to pay back da amount u given to me?? Or sometimes am i have to hide my true attidute personality n faces them with fake faces or something that they like?? Do i have to act like perfect so that i can earn a true hearted friends??
Im eduactated to be nice to ppl whn i was young, mom used to tell me that rather ppl who hurt us then we hurt other ppl... Should i wear a iron mask or something protaction whn they make jokes on me... then i have to laugh with them while da damage they still leave on da joke they give it to me... sometimes its get me very da piss off.. Am i really useless to u guys?? Or are u all very perfect that dont have any mistake or bad habit at all that u can point mistakes on other n make a damn fuking jokes on ppl??
I know.. im wrong from the very begining... i shouldnt left them joking on me, i should guard myself well, i shouldnt laugh after someone talk badly on me... even have to argue with them badly to protact myself... my honour..
After i knew everything that someone talk badly behind me, no.... is backstab me. Now i learned a lesson... dont even treat other ppl nice other then family.. Have to fight back on everything that will caz me to dead... This world other then family... u cant trust anyone well.. u have to trust urself outside n love urself inside... whn no one r standing beside u.. all u have is ur own.
So i have to make some desicion well tonite.. to get all things clear n have a long vication to let my body and soul release n come back with energy. I shouldnt belief in anyone else now... i have to stay strong so that i dont need anyone else.